Take me down to the water,



Good afternoon Tuesday child. It's 2:05, the sun is playing hide and seek, the winds picking up the tails of puppies, and the cones of pine trees. All of March has been windy, windy in weather, and windy in soul.

It's been one of those months. You know, the kind of month where every night feels as long as day, and all you want to do is sleep. My March heart has been stuck in a dead winter. It's been broken, and pieced back together with time. Science may have found a cure for most anything, but it's never found the cure for a human's apathy.

I wish time wasn't the only cure for my apathy.

I want to be better. I want to feel more. I want the winds of change to blow my way, and take away the rain. I've been happy. I am happy. But sometimes my bones feel numb. Sometimes I fall into the habit of routine, and indifference. I need to splash my face in an ocean, to remind myself
I am alive,
I am well,
I have much to give to the universe.



Hope is beautiful. Sometimes it strays, sometimes it walks, and sometimes it hits you. To not have hope is a tragedy. One of those tragedies that keeps you up at night, and sleeps in your bones.

Hope is beautiful. I wish I could feed it to the hopeless. Lacking hope, is worse than lacking company. Don't you wish that hope was easy as baking bread. Whenever you are craving it, or need it, as long as you have the ingredients of an open mind, you can cook yourself some hope!

hope hope hope hope hope






In another breath, I am going on a trip at the end of this week. I am going to Vancouver, to feel the ocean, to show my teeth, and to appreciate my existence. I am exciiiiiiiited. I wish I could throw the excitement at you, just so you could feel it. It's hard to not be hopeful, when I'm going on a road trip through mountains, and water, and beautiful landscapes.

I can't believe the transition I've went through while writing this. I started this post feeling melancholy. I'm ending this post feeling an emotion, a good emotion. Writing is the therapist I've never had, but always needed :)

They might as well name a theme park after me,
I am a roller coaster.



"I am in love, is this a tragedy? Is this a heaven? I am like a falling star, one who has finally found a place among another constellation, and together we will sparkle forever in a lovely universe meant for us."




A month of self discovery. What have I discovered? You need to lose the grip of love, the scent of love, the heart of love to be aware how much you FULLY need love.

What am I without love? I am wilted. I am without a sanity shore.
A head that is empty. A heart that is sore. Without love, I am nothing.



Now I leave you with a dress, and a faux fur vest, brown hair, brown boots, brown dirt, and a beautiful tree. My boy bought me this dress, and I can't wait to wear it in the warmer months. Here's to sad nights, bringing you to better days.

kisses !!!!!!!
dress/ consignment $15
boots/ value village $10
faux fur vest/ zara $12
Dancing, you sparkle. You are what happens when music makes love with light.

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Happy Wednesday. Every morning, when I wake, I feel guilty for all the things I've never been. My pocket book, empty, only painted with my own words, no numbers to call, or faces to see. My cell phone planted with old numbers, and conversations of friends I no longer see, or seldom do. What is this life? I am boring myself by following the mundane. Everyday is the same. I have a brain that dreams of something more exciting. I wanted to change the world, but instead, I sleep.

I can't take full responsibility for my lack of adventure. It's hard to go anywhere, take risks, or do anything wild when your only 17. Who ever decided my maturity, and ability to drink, or walk, or listen to music in groovy little caves was based on how many candles lit my last cake? It's unfair. I want to dance to rhythms on Friday nights, and tangle myself among the downtown city lights on a Saturday, but I have a year to wait.

Until then.. I'll dream, and spend my Friday nights dancing to rhythms in my own little cave I call my room, and instead of downtown city lights, my bedside lamp shall do.


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I want a slow low hum to rock me to sleep: Tell me your dream


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As much as I sound like boredom controls the spirit of my day.. Boredom comes, and boredom goes. There are places for me to visit. There is warm coffee to heat my tongue. There is love in my bones. There are new friends to meet. Some days are long, and some nights are longer, your body can't help but feel a longing. A longing for new experiences, new stimuli, new colors, new language. I think I confuse this longing for boredom. I think we all do.

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Finally, as promised to my mother... I will wear the forever 21 dress I bought in NYC! I love this dress. It's beautiful to me, as if it was found in an art gallery, dancing with color and shape, singing out to me. It's sad how little I wear this dress. The reason being it's hard to determine if it is a dress, or a long top. The shape, and style is of a dress. But the length, for me, is short... Leggings would be the easiest answer to my problems,.. but my legs, and heart belong to tights. Maybe,... That's why it only took a $20 bill to afford it. I'll love it anyways..

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"Even bad times have good things in them to make you feel alive"

"What we learned as children - that one plus one equals two - we know to be false. One plus one equals one. We even have a word for when you plus another equals one. That word is love. "

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dress/ forever 21/ $15
boots/ value village / $15
necklace/ forever 21/ $12

kiss kiss to you :)
Do you remember how small your body was when you were 5?

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If the weather was food, it would be a delicious gold encrusted apple falling from the most beautiful of apple trees. In other words, the weather is very very nice. I am writing to you in my sunny-filled living room. Still, in my pajamas, haired pulled back, coffee in hand, haven't showered, but I feel complete.

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I look outside to see a blue sky, and two puppies fighting in the melting snow. It's the city, spring is screaming, and I am dancing. I can't remember the last time I felt this good. The universe is big, and bold, and beautiful to me.

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Music is playing in my ear. When I hear the lyricism, it makes me see gauzy stars, and feel a summer breeze. It makes my eyes wander. Makes my mind wonder. Is music written or discovered? For every poet, and every song writer, is there a hidden song in the depths of their mind waiting to be found? Or does a pen, paper, a guitar in hand, create new melodies, and new words? I know some people hear music in their heads, and then write it down. I've noticed that sometimes as I fall asleep, I can hear music, pianos guitars cellos, it's like I'm listening to a quiet radio, humming me to dream. I wish I could record, or create what I hear, and share it with those who don't hear it. What do you know of me? I'm weird.

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I'm romanticizing a trip. Somewhere near the ocean. I feel like digging my toes into the sand, and watching sail boats pass underneath a pink sky. I am a born traveler. Like a bird in a cage, I long to fly. Fly to places with waters, mountains, colors, people, history. One day, One day..

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Life is like a person in a boat. Aboard the boat, one uses a sail, holds a tiller, poles the boat along. Yet the boat carries you and without the boat you are not there. Riding the boat is what makes it a boat. You must study and penetrate this very moment. In this moment, the whole world is this boat. Thus "life" is what I live and "I" is life living me. Getting aboard the boat, this body mind and all that is around are all the complete activity of the boat. Both the whole world and the vast sky are the boat's complete activity. This I that lives and the life that is I is just like this.

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I believe we are all beautiful, and special. Like sun, and rain at the same time.

I am happy.

My thoughts are scattered.

It's driving me crazy, but

Still, I am happy.

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"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night"

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I'm reading Romeo and Juliet, with red lips, there's a candle burning by my side. I feel like I'm in some sort of romantic literature, drinking in a soliloquy, and the scent of cinnamon. It's amusing to me how easily you can become the characters in whatever book your reading. "It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book."

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This outfit makes me feel glamorous. The black dress, cinched with a glitter french connection belt, sets me into a mood of dancing, french wine and cheese. The best costumes are those that make you feel like stopping traffic, or make you feel like screaming "I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful, because I am meeememememe"

Tomorrow, I'm headed to heritage park for the day. It's nice to live in a city where exploring is just part of daily living. Saturday, no plans. I don't need plans! Spontaneity is not a bad way to live. Hope it's sunny where you are.

XOXO kissses to you !

dress- value village $3
boots- value village $10
belt- french connection $7