The night before I came to the mountains, I could not sleep. Instead, my legs curled against the cold white wall and I thought of how long the stretch of night can be when counting sheep does not help you fall asleep. In recent months, I have fought with somebody who I love more than the toast which melts butter or the pollen which grows honey. I have looked into their eyes and spoken words so ugly, so mean, you could almost taste the ashes of a once growing fire or feel the cold of an avalanche coming down from the mountain.
I have looked into those same eyes and spoken words so kind, so pure, you could almost taste the fragrance of a blooming flower or feel the warmth of a months worth of supper for two. I have grown in the gaze of those same eyes, I have loved and been loved in those same eyes, but whenever you love this deeply, you're bound to forget how to swim in the ever flowing river that is two people in love.
Love means to walk on cannonballs, to sometimes skip a meal in order to feed your beloved, to sing a harmony instead of a lead, to poke a sleeping bear and to share a poem you've left hidden underneath your bed sheets long before you knew what love was. Love is also to taste life twice, to hear the sound of sunshine in one person's voice, and to always have a face you can dream on when you're tired from the day.
I do believe love is a faithful hound, but sometimes she barks so loud you can't hear the music.
We went to the mountains and in those mountains, I shrieked at the thought of surviving winter without the one I love. I saw myself standing there, in the belly of the mountain, alone and lonely, calling out for somebody who wasn't there anymore. For many of us, there comes a time when we add the letter d to the word love and all that is left is a memory which slowly begins to recede like our grandfather's hairline or a boat at sea. For others, we go on loving, living and patching the crooked splinters in our hearts by spending time away from the world together.
"Time, we have so little of it." says the mountain.
outfit details: Chicwish dress, Peacock Boutique coat, Montana tack store shoes, Beret a gift from my dad