Take me down to the water,

Good afternoon Tuesday child. It's 2:05, the sun is playing hide and seek, the winds picking up the tails of puppies, and the cones of pine trees. All of March has been windy, windy in weather, and windy in soul.

It's been one of those months. You know, the kind of month where every night feels as long as day, and all you want to do is sleep. My March heart has been stuck in a dead winter. It's been broken, and pieced back together with time. Science may have found a cure for most anything, but it's never found the cure for a human's apathy.

I wish time wasn't the only cure for my apathy.

I want to be better. I want to feel more. I want the winds of change to blow my way, and take away the rain. I've been happy. I am happy. But sometimes my bones feel numb. Sometimes I fall into the habit of routine, and indifference. I need to splash my face in an ocean, to remind myself
I am alive,
I am well,
I have much to give to the universe.

Hope is beautiful. Sometimes it strays, sometimes it walks, and sometimes it hits you. To not have hope is a tragedy. One of those tragedies that keeps you up at night, and sleeps in your bones.

Hope is beautiful. I wish I could feed it to the hopeless. Lacking hope, is worse than lacking company. Don't you wish that hope was easy as baking bread. Whenever you are craving it, or need it, as long as you have the ingredients of an open mind, you can cook yourself some hope!

hope hope hope hope hope

In another breath, I am going on a trip at the end of this week. I am going to Vancouver, to feel the ocean, to show my teeth, and to appreciate my existence. I am exciiiiiiiited. I wish I could throw the excitement at you, just so you could feel it. It's hard to not be hopeful, when I'm going on a road trip through mountains, and water, and beautiful landscapes.

I can't believe the transition I've went through while writing this. I started this post feeling melancholy. I'm ending this post feeling an emotion, a good emotion. Writing is the therapist I've never had, but always needed :)

They might as well name a theme park after me,
I am a roller coaster.



"I am in love, is this a tragedy? Is this a heaven? I am like a falling star, one who has finally found a place among another constellation, and together we will sparkle forever in a lovely universe meant for us."

A month of self discovery. What have I discovered? You need to lose the grip of love, the scent of love, the heart of love to be aware how much you FULLY need love.

What am I without love? I am wilted. I am without a sanity shore.
A head that is empty. A heart that is sore. Without love, I am nothing.

Now I leave you with a dress, and a faux fur vest, brown hair, brown boots, brown dirt, and a beautiful tree. My boy bought me this dress, and I can't wait to wear it in the warmer months. Here's to sad nights, bringing you to better days.

kisses !!!!!!!
dress/ consignment $15
boots/ value village $10
faux fur vest/ zara $12

Do you remember how small your body was when you were 5?



If the weather was food, it would be a delicious gold encrusted apple falling from the most beautiful of apple trees. In other words, the weather is very very nice. I am writing to you in my sunny-filled living room. Still, in my pajamas, haired pulled back, coffee in hand, haven't showered, but I feel complete.



I look outside to see a blue sky, and two puppies fighting in the melting snow. It's the city, spring is screaming, and I am dancing. I can't remember the last time I felt this good. The universe is big, and bold, and beautiful to me.



Music is playing in my ear. When I hear the lyricism, it makes me see gauzy stars, and feel a summer breeze. It makes my eyes wander. Makes my mind wonder. Is music written or discovered? For every poet, and every song writer, is there a hidden song in the depths of their mind waiting to be found? Or does a pen, paper, a guitar in hand, create new melodies, and new words? I know some people hear music in their heads, and then write it down. I've noticed that sometimes as I fall asleep, I can hear music, pianos guitars cellos, it's like I'm listening to a quiet radio, humming me to dream. I wish I could record, or create what I hear, and share it with those who don't hear it. What do you know of me? I'm weird.



I'm romanticizing a trip. Somewhere near the ocean. I feel like digging my toes into the sand, and watching sail boats pass underneath a pink sky. I am a born traveler. Like a bird in a cage, I long to fly. Fly to places with waters, mountains, colors, people, history. One day, One day..



Life is like a person in a boat. Aboard the boat, one uses a sail, holds a tiller, poles the boat along. Yet the boat carries you and without the boat you are not there. Riding the boat is what makes it a boat. You must study and penetrate this very moment. In this moment, the whole world is this boat. Thus "life" is what I live and "I" is life living me. Getting aboard the boat, this body mind and all that is around are all the complete activity of the boat. Both the whole world and the vast sky are the boat's complete activity. This I that lives and the life that is I is just like this.



I believe we are all beautiful, and special. Like sun, and rain at the same time.

I am happy.

My thoughts are scattered.

It's driving me crazy, but

Still, I am happy.





"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night"





I'm reading Romeo and Juliet, with red lips, there's a candle burning by my side. I feel like I'm in some sort of romantic literature, drinking in a soliloquy, and the scent of cinnamon. It's amusing to me how easily you can become the characters in whatever book your reading. "It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book."



This outfit makes me feel glamorous. The black dress, cinched with a glitter french connection belt, sets me into a mood of dancing, french wine and cheese. The best costumes are those that make you feel like stopping traffic, or make you feel like screaming "I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful, because I am meeememememe"

Tomorrow, I'm headed to heritage park for the day. It's nice to live in a city where exploring is just part of daily living. Saturday, no plans. I don't need plans! Spontaneity is not a bad way to live. Hope it's sunny where you are.

XOXO kissses to you !

dress- value village $3
boots- value village $10
belt- french connection $7

if you want to know how much i love you, count the waves~




. . . .Happy Saturday. . . .

Yesterday, I was standing by a light post, and suddenly it occurred to me how young I am. how fragile I am. how easily I could break. yet how lucky I am. There are no wrinkles on my skin, few wrinkles on my soul. And although my life is measured by my breaths, and not my age, (death is always there), I still know, There are many lives left for me to live, and be, and meet. So many steeples to see, and lady bugs to catch. So many frowns to bend, and lovers to hug. I have years of misfortune, fortune, heartbreak, heart beats! How beautiful it is. How sweet it is. I'm the lucky one.

"People grow old only by deserting their ideals, Macarthur had written. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope as old as your despair. In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber. So long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage, so long are you young. When your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and then only, are you grown old. And then, indeed as the ballad says, you just fade away.”

Don't waste your youth growing up!





This dress. This delicate, sheer, and fitted dress is new for me. Most of my outfits consist of flowers, boho-inspired prints, and femininity. This outfit is far from floral.... I always feel that fashion is never ending, always changing. In order to cultivate my love for fashion and all things style, I must try new things. New shapes. New colors. New shoes. Taking a risk, and playing with your own eccentricities is what makes fashion an art. The art of fashion is why I have my blog. The art of style, and expression. Our flesh is the canvas, and our clothes are the paint.

Speaking of a love for fashion, early in the week, I met with a girl named Linda. She is a talented contributor to calgaryfashion.ca, we met in a coffee shop, not only for questions, but to connect as friends. She is a sweetheart, and I can't wait to see how the interview turned out! My deepest gratitude to you Linda!






"We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing."



"I hope this turns into love, because you make me, make me feel so alive "




"Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun."




As you know, the sun is shining, the weather is warming, and February is ending. What a month. As each month passes, I am shocked at the state of time. I's amazing. How fast the clouds roll in and out, how fast the sun rises, and it falls. We're always in a constant metamorphosis. Thoughts are always changing, minds are always racing, ideas growing, ideas dying. With each changing season, and each changing mind, we grow.

We never stop growing, with or without milk.




"A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked."



One last note, I have promised you a Q&A video. I have not forgotten! Within the coming weeks, I will read over your questions, and compose a video with my answers, (hopefully by next week.) For now, play your instruments, sing your songs, laugh at your comedies, cry at your tragedies, and enjoy being. Be fire, be too quiet, be too loud, be too happy, be too good, be whatever ties your heart strings to the sky. We have breath, we're the lucky ones.

kiss kiss !!

dress- savers, gift from mom
necklaces- aldo/forever21
booties- value village $10

I can teach you how to bewitch your mind, and enhance your senses

just when I think I am sad, and insecure. just when I think I have fallen. I learn to fly. This has been a tough week. My emotions, and lack of them, have been brewed into a constant battle of head versus heart. My heart wants one thing, my head wants another. If you defined life in my dictionary,

life

1. the universal condition of human existence that is in a constant state of head versus heart.

my heart is neither too strong, nor too weak. it is in a constant medium. to be forgiving, and to follow your heart, does this mean I am weak? I am weak because my heart is weak? Or does it mean I am strong, because my heart is strong? Life would be easier if I could just follow one path, one path planted by my heart, or one path paved by my head. Uh, I think I need a coffee, and a break from my brain.






There is good to relish on! The ground is slushy, and the white snow is melting. Little rivers, and tiny waterfalls are forming everywhere. Thank you to the life energy of the sun! You make my sad weeks full of hope! My body craves summer. My feet crave to be bare, and running through green, green grass. Can you just picture it? Heat upon my flesh, warm air through my nose, and plants blossoming everywhere...... Follow my method. When your sad, think of a season, or a moment, where your skin felt just right, when your eyes saw just what they needed to see, and when your heart fell into the right place. The second we begin to see beauty in the rhythm of sorrow, we will begin to defeat our own inner demons.







I took a walk yesterday. I ran around, chasing my shadow, laughing at the crisp air, and taking pictures. It was refreshing. If a nice long walk doesn't put your life into perspective, I'm not quite sure what will..





My closet is full... too full. I think it's time I begin selling my clothes. Not all of them, I'll keep some favorites, but just enough so that my closet can breath. I'm hoping some of you, followers, and readers, will be interested in what I have to sell. So in the next coming weeks, I'm going to try to put together a system so that I can share my clothes with you! If you have any suggestions on how I should go about selling, send me an email, any input would be greatly appreciated.

P.S it's time to start updating the blog regularly again! I have missed you too much, and my life is getting back to order, and I'm beginning to find myself again... I can't wait to see what the future brings! Love you all!

kisses!


dress/ value village $10
leather jacket/ forever 21 $20
shoesies/ winners $50

See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand

A bird chirping, a car honking, and a shining sun are setting my mood. Life, this is me. And I am feeling good, feeling good, feeling good. I wonder if the sun shines this brightly because I feel good? Or do I feel this good because of the sun shining so brightly? Weather is a magical thing. It can lighten, enlighten, and destroy our inner core. Sun brings warmth, and promise. Snow brings beauty, and loneliness. Rain brings fear, and solace. Weather is the mood of the earth. In my head, Today, earth is happy, and feeding humanity with hope!







I keep having this day dream of bright blue triangles bursting into the dark of my eye lids. I have no idea what brought this on, but it won't go away. I enjoy it, I do, it feels like I'm on drugs, or some psychedelic music. But this requires no drugs, no music, It takes me away from routine, and leaves me, eyes closed- almost in a trance. Maybe it's magic. Maybe it's being sleep deprived. Maybe it's nothing...... Maybe It's love. I think it's love. I've always heard of the crazy things love can do to you. Love can make you weep, it can make you loud, it can make you silent, hopeful, mad, afraid, lonely, uncomfortable, ecstatic, free... But by far, the craziest thing love can do for anyone.. is make you change. I think love can make you better, and I think love can make you worse. I've always been in love with love, but never did I have love in love with me.

Fingers slide together, and I, I am so alive.



"this exact place where we laughed so much and the way you said my name will echo always in my brain"





This post is dedicated to my mom, and dad. I love them more than I love the existence of angels. My love for each grows deeper, and faster, than the roots of a cherry tree in may. I have tried my best to feed both with love, but life makes you ache, and sometimes anger in love is much easier than love in anger. Without you, I'd be missing, crippled, and empty. Thank you for giving me life, and breath, and hope. I'm celebrating you!






I am so tired today. Few thoughts are running through my head. I have to recycle this procrastination and study for school, and my body neeeeeeeeds sleep. I think after I write, and study, I'll lay my head and dreaaaaaaaaaaaam. Dreaming, the most beautiful thing.



Here are the details of my outfit, my faux fur jacket is a gem to me. It was only $20 and warms me without the need for a heavy coat... And my forever 21 skirt(bought in NYC) brings me that eccentricity that I adore.

I'm warm. I'm happy. And I believe, one day we will all step out of our bodies, and burst into bloom. Have a nice Thursday!

XOXO

jacket/ winners $20
top/ value village $3
skirt/ forever 21 $20
boots/ value village $10