For my entire life, I did not believe I was capable of finding love. From the day I held baby dolls, to the day I first fell for the boy with petal-like eyelashes, I never thought love would have me. I suppose, I imagined love to be only the fancy of poets, and playwrights, in the same way a trip to Europe is a fancy for the traveler. As if love was it's own continent, with it's own residency, vacant for some at 16, others in adulthood; and for the unlucky ones, never once traveled to.
I thought I would be the world traveler, never to find the sun in hand holding, and never to find the moon in soft kisses from a boy. I thought I'd forever find true love only in the books I read, the airplanes I took, and in the dreams that brought me to far away places. I knew I'd meet many men, some suitors, and some forget-me-nots along the way, but I never thought I'd settle for one.... Or even that one would settle for me. I always imagined bearded boys, with words that soothed like poetry, but never imagined I was worthy of such a companion, and sometimes, I even envisioned myself growing bored of every lover I would meet.
I knew I wanted something more out of my life. I needed more than a subtle weakness for a petal eyed boy. I did not want my life to be a series of puppy love crushes.... You know the kind, like the one you acquire when the boy kisses you on the playground, and you write his name in arrows on your English homework. I needed something more... a best friend, somebody that was mad for me, and willing to walk in the garden even when there were rain clouds.
When I closed my eye lids, and fashioned myself a boyfriend, he was strong like a mountain but didn't use fists, he was concerned like a doe when walking by wildflowers, his lips would move to the letters of my favorite song, and he'd acknowledge the womb he came from. When I imagined his hair, it was soft with curls and auburn hue, his cheeks would be my favorite place to peck, and his beard would be my nest. He'd remember my birthstone, and know all of my history. He'd let me nap on his shoulder, let me walk in my plain clothes, let me dip my french fries into melted chocolate, he'd love all of the animals, all of my bruises, and he'd never love another girl before me, or after me. He'd sweet talk me onto pillows, he'd never wander too far, and above all, I loved him too.
Now that I have waded into the waters of love, I have discovered something very important. You can close your eyelids forever, you can dream on, you can follow the beauty trail, you can try to fall in love with a person's character, or you can let fate be your teacher. But no matter what you do, or how you do it, you do not have control over who you love.
Love is more than the fancy of songwriters, love is as real as you are I. Sometimes, it stings like stealing a bee's honey, other times, it's an ornament lover's wear, but more often than not, love is a fragrance that never leaves our skin. I cannot tell you, or him, or her, on who to love or how to love this person, all that I can say is please don't share these words unless you mean them.
"I love you, I love her, I love him, I loved"
I've often wondered why someone would say "I love you", as if it was the equivalent of saying "Hi, you're pretty, let's eat honey on sandwiches or something." or "Hey girl, I want to lower your gown, and be with you in my bed." The words I love you are far mightier than any cobra chasing a rat, or any mushroom growing on a muskeg. Love is not meant to be written over a facebook chat to a girl with porcelain skin, that's never met your heart. Love is greater than that. Love is meant to be kissed across the back of the girl who knows you best.
Keep your words, the way you keep your toothbrush, your teddy, or your face cloth, keep them hidden and in secret, until you've found someone worth sharing your world with. I've only spoken words of love to those who've raised me, to all of the garden plants I want to grow, and to the man who brought me these flowers.
...Oh, and my dogs.
My mind is running over with thoughts of love, and companionship. Maybe it's because this dress reminds me of the color I wish my wedding dress to be. Not quite white, and not quite pink. The dress was sent from www.sheinside.com It's very romantic! And because I'm in the mood of love, you can purchase something from she inside with an exclusive reader's discount! Here's 20% off just by entering coupon code AMY20 at checkout, it expires April 30th!
My mum and I had a blast taking these photographs, the dress is so full of fabric it can be used as a cape or a hat over your head. The flowers were gifted from Carter, a way of saying "I'm sorry" after a fight we had. They sure make a beautiful prop!
What are your thoughts on Love?
What I Wore
Dress | She Inside | Sponsor
Glitter Wedges | Aldo | Birthday Gift
Pink Faux Fur | Forever 21 | Birthday Gift
Flowers from Carter
Milkmaid braid done by my Mum