the direction of sunbeams

 The warm days pass and I feel right at home beside the birds pecking berries from a bough. I am temperamental like the wind on a prairie when I stay inside for too long. Let me live always in the direction of sunbeams. 

This coming autumn, I want to call upon myself to be more content, to be less worried about the outside drivel of other humans. I love people, I do. I am interested in their lives, what they call their happiness and where they hang their stars. When I ask, how are you feeling? I mean to listen, I do. If you're answer is happy, it means no less than saying you're sad. I just need to take more time for myself, the way it was when I first moved to the city and I had nobody.

I worry that I lose myself and my dreams in the pursuit of keeping others happy. I really want to stay home and listen to an old ragtime song, just myself being myself, instead I run into a city to hear the world chatter around me. I can't say no to the electric lights and the sounds of a drum in the creeks of my heart. I fear I will miss something beautiful.

I have forgotten the beauty which lives in the floorboards of my own house. I have long ago drifted from the quietness which waxes and wanes like a full moon through my bedroom window. I long to paint not because there is space on the white wall waiting to be covered. I long to paint for no other reason then the joy it will bring me. Give me stillness like the steam which lifts from tea drank in the morning hours.

Let me take time for myself so I can return to the world ready to love again. Here comes the paints, the books and the daylights spent by the soft humming of my own heart.

outfit details: Modcloth dress, Value Village boots & hat, American Eagle pink shawl/sweater
Free People knee high socks
location details: Griffith Woods, Alberta, Canada


6 comments:

  1. To miss something beautiful, I think it's my biggest fear in life. It keeps me from living the way I want to, even though it should be the other way around.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com




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  2. I feel you, I really do. As I have grown older I have a strong desire for solitude. I want to do things just for the sake of doing them, for the enjoyment of them. But I also find myself fearing what I have missed by staying home on a cool Saturday morning instead of checking out the clatter of coffee shops or the people rising from their downtown apartments. We all need that delicate balance, but it's so hard to find.

    http://aroseisinbloom.blogspot.com/

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  3. Anonymous15.9.15

    I think we all deserve to take time for ourselves. I think it's a human need that we often neglect. Enjoy your time :)'

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  4. These photos are so pretty, I love the pastel pink
    xo
    www.laurajaneatelier.com

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  5. Beautiful photos and words while also being so pretty in pink! Time for yourself is a wonderful thing.

    Xo
    Mariah
    pastimepenelope.blogspot.com

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  6. Love this blog so much ! Been loving it for so long! xx

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