365 love songs

When I dream of romantic love, I dream of two things — the poetry I grew up reading on bed springs and the oval shape of one person's face and how it came to move me. Before I knew the way ears could wander when anticipating the sound of somebody else's footsteps, I spent most of my days alone. I did not yearn for another. Instead, I lived my life as if looking out of a window seat on an airplane. If I were to invite somebody to share their world with me, they could very well take the window seat and I'd be left watching my feet as the carafe of soda pop travels by.

And then one day, it happened. I fell in love — summer every season, messy like the pulp of a pomegranate, longing when apart, giving up my window seat because I want to see you happy, I love you, I hate you, I love you again, planning a future, cleaning up your dishes kind-of-love. The truth is, I never knew at sixteen, I would tell somebody besides my mother or father how much I love them.

Now it is this many years later and I'm still in love. If I could tie a ribbon to the clouds for us to sit when we're weary, I would for him. If I could swim in the river where his worries rise above bedrock, I would for him. If I could catch sunbeams to keep in his coat pocket, I would for him. If I could shake the rattle and buzz out of his guitar, I would for him. The most beautiful of all discoveries is that he would do these things for me too.

———

Despite the beauty and art we all find when we find love, it has never been easy and a human should never compromise their deepest inner workings in the pursuit of romantic love. It is not all roses and soft kisses. Love is far too powerful for it to always be easy. After all, we define our entire lives by how and who we love, but it's important to remember that self-love is the blade which shapes the fruit, not the love of another. If I did not have those hours of loneliness or growing by myself, I would never be able to love myself or my beloved as I do now.

As for Valentine's day, there are 365 days in a year, 365 love songs in each day.

Life in itself is an occasion for me.