Good afternoon Tuesday child. It's 2:05, the sun is playing hide and seek, the winds picking up the tails of puppies, and the cones of pine trees. All of March has been windy, windy in weather, and windy in soul.
It's been one of those months. You know, the kind of month where every night feels as long as day, and all you want to do is sleep. My March heart has been stuck in a dead winter. It's been broken, and pieced back together with time. Science may have found a cure for most anything, but it's never found the cure for a human's apathy.
I wish time wasn't the only cure for my apathy.
I want to be better. I want to feel more. I want the winds of change to blow my way, and take away the rain. I've been happy. I am happy. But sometimes my bones feel numb. Sometimes I fall into the habit of routine, and indifference. I need to splash my face in an ocean, to remind myself
I am alive,
I am well,
I have much to give to the universe.
Hope is beautiful. Sometimes it strays, sometimes it walks, and sometimes it hits you. To not have hope is a tragedy. One of those tragedies that keeps you up at night, and sleeps in your bones.
Hope is beautiful. I wish I could feed it to the hopeless. Lacking hope, is worse than lacking company. Don't you wish that hope was easy as baking bread. Whenever you are craving it, or need it, as long as you have the ingredients of an open mind, you can cook yourself some hope!
hope hope hope hope hope
In another breath, I am going on a trip at the end of this week. I am going to Vancouver, to feel the ocean, to show my teeth, and to appreciate my existence. I am exciiiiiiiited. I wish I could throw the excitement at you, just so you could feel it. It's hard to not be hopeful, when I'm going on a road trip through mountains, and water, and beautiful landscapes.
I can't believe the transition I've went through while writing this. I started this post feeling melancholy. I'm ending this post feeling an emotion, a good emotion. Writing is the therapist I've never had, but always needed :)
They might as well name a theme park after me,
I am a roller coaster.
"I am in love, is this a tragedy? Is this a heaven? I am like a falling star, one who has finally found a place among another constellation, and together we will sparkle forever in a lovely universe meant for us."
A month of self discovery. What have I discovered? You need to lose the grip of love, the scent of love, the heart of love to be aware how much you FULLY need love.
What am I without love? I am wilted. I am without a sanity shore.
A head that is empty. A heart that is sore. Without love, I am nothing.
Now I leave you with a dress, and a faux fur vest, brown hair, brown boots, brown dirt, and a beautiful tree. My boy bought me this dress, and I can't wait to wear it in the warmer months. Here's to sad nights, bringing you to better days.
dress/ consignment $15
boots/ value village $10
faux fur vest/ zara $12